I love Phish today because when I'm rockin' out with my head phones, I can dance anywhere totally shamelessly! This is not to say I dance all crazy and show style everywhere I go, but when I'm in public, I have no problem nodding my head and bouncing my knees. I love dancing, I love the music, why hide it?
I go into New York City at least once a week and do a lot of walking around and riding the subway solo. Sometimes I like to listen to the sounds of the city; it can be very calming in a weird, My Cousin Vinny way. But most times, I listen to the boys; lately I've been choosing shows from '97-'98 and listening to Providence '10 on repeat. Here's my routine: around 930 a.m. I grab the train into Grand Central. Sometimes I have time for a coffee, sometimes I don't, but either way I usually fall asleep around Chappaqua, with my music for the trip on. I wake up to check around 125th st., and finally stand up about a song later. I do wear my sunglasses, even on the train, because it allows me to be freer.
Side story: I have spent a very good many of my prime years being far too self conscious. I really have to thank Phish for allowing me to find a part of myself I love so much who can do everything she is inclined to do, without criticism. I'm working with this fly, confident chica, and soon she will be all I am. Still, I have things to worry about and silly people thoughts clouding my mind that I need to learn to deal with before she can really take over. Phish is helping me, we're workin' on it together, and it's the best project I've ever worked on!
ANYWAY. Sorry- I'm going to focus. So I'm on the train, I wake up and try to move it and groove it a little to get my blood going, wake up my mind a bit, start my day with a positive attitude. I like to listen to a nice Mike's Song or a long, spacey Piper- something I can think about and follow, something I can run to the subway with, and something that doesn't need all my attention so I can focus on my surroundings, too.
I usually keep on a set until I arrive at my destination, but should it end, or my mood changes, subway mode for me tends to be a story song. When I'm listening to the tale of a song, like anything Gamehendge, I pay closer attention to the music and do less overt people watching. And I'm a phan of people watching. I'm a Suzy Gr-- I mean, Sociologist, and people watching is merely my data collecting. I'm more than happy to admit that the fascinating culture we're all a part of astonishes me. I don't understand how it happens or functions, forms and dissolves nightly, and goes completely unnoticed in the mainstream media. And truly, I am not looking to expose it. Half the beauty is the private little world we make for ourselves. The pain is shared equally when someone has to deal with real world in Phish world. In my career, I hope to merge the two, but for now, it is a world in which I only have one foot. Oh sorry, back to focusing.
The point is that all my traveling alone, I don't care who sees me dancing or singing along. I know they don't think I'm crazy. They probably just really want to know what I'm listening to.
The best part is what happened last night. I went to a great show, an act called Jonsi, very artsy, very cool, I did have a great time. But after, all I needed was some Phish. I didn't pick a classic or a hit, just a jammy,22 minute Light from earlier this summer. It took me from Grand Central exactly to my friend's apartment a block away from Astor. I had to do a bit of walking and it was dark. This jam kept me walking fast, staying aware, smiling and nodding, absorbing a song I'm still not all that familiar with. I mean, I love it, I think Light is a great composition; I just need more time to learn its intricacies, its most secret details. And on this walk, since it was dark and there were only a few people on the street, I rocked it. I was movin' and groovin' and I felt really good; got me back to basics after a night of exploring the musically unknown.
Getting on the train this morning, I felt groggy and haggard looking, so what did I do? Slapped on my aviators, put on Live Phish 9, and danced all the way from 8th St to GCT. It was a great morning, and today is going to be another phabulous day. =) Hope you all pheel the same!!
More next week- up to visit my cousins in college this weekend.
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